Match Report

V&A v. STONOR MAY 11, 2008

WHAT A LOVELY DAY. Sun, a cloudless sky, a wonderful tea, beautiful people languishing in summer frocks, some of them young women, and a match in which we all batted and those that can bowl, did.

We won the toss but it was immaterial as we only had 6 present at 2.15 so had to bat. As always at Stonor the pitch gets easier as the moisture dries so batting second would have been preferable. Bird N. and Rupert Morris opened in the absence of other volunteers. Rupert’s fourth ball was a beautiful inswinger from Neal, the pick of their bowlers, and it would have bowled an even finer batsman. Bird survived three painfully accurate overs from Neal, never once facing the looser bowler the other end, until one delivery seemed hittable. Struck nicely towards the covers it was unfortunately held by a diving catch, the first of several good catches (they dropped a few too).

Olly Hollroyd-Pearce and Robbie Lawson started briskly, until Olly was bowled for 11. But a partnership of over 50 by Dennis and Robbie (who was dropped badly on 12), in which the wayward ball was punished, moved the score along nicely until both were caught through misjudging the slow bounce, which was Will King’s and Andy’s problem when they too were caught. 100 or so for 9 looked a bit bleak but the tail wagged mightily with Simon Roche whacking the ball for a speedy 19 and Olly Bamber (8*) giving admirable support. We reached 141, respectable and offering Stonor a target, but probably not enough. Why was Simon batting at no. 11? Because, with Oundelian modesty, he had said ‘he bowled a bit’ but mentioned nothing about batting.

After a superb tea (thank you Stonor) we opened with Simon and Dennis. There were no restrictions on overs bowled – we played a declaration game whereby we batted to tea and then Stonor had an hour and 20 overs. Only fatigue limited our openers. They bowled beautifully but your captain probably erred in not asking for a new ball (which we had brought) because Simon and Dennis could get no swing or movement, and consequently no wickets. Their openers stuck to their task with Trevor Bailey-like discipline, no catches were offered, no snicks, only a ‘caught behind’ which turned out not to be. Eventually their opener Stick was bowled by Olly Hollroyd-Pearce with a long hop that bounced a few times and dribbled onto the wicket. Mr. Stick departed with remarkably good grace. As they carefully crept towards the target, scoring at the required 3 or so an over, it became apparent that we were perhaps 20 short of making it interesting. The one incident of note was a fantastic leg break by Robbie Lawson that was drifting to leg before hitting the top of the off stump. Verily, it would have bowled Bradman.

They won with 2 overs to spare, their opener Austin having carried his bat for 63*. Our fielding was not as pathetic as it can be. Occasionally a lack of bottle showed. Rupert, fielding at cover, allowed one to whizz past him to the boundary. ‘What would you have me do,’ he said grammatically to Andy following a caustic aside, ‘execute a despairing dive?’ He had a point, why bother when a) you’re beaten and b) you have zero chance of stopping a very hard ball.

Stonor are a very pleasant lot and the game is always fun, when it doesn’t rain and both teams turn up (we’ve both had problems in the past with raising a quorum). They have an admirable blend of youth and experience. Their youth element play serious cricket, with helmets, and can teach us a thing about concentration. Not for them the Class B drug in the BMW, or even the whisky chaser in the Crown (my own Achilles heal).

So…agreeable company, excellent tea, Fulham stayed up, Man Utd. won, everyone on both sides enjoyed watching Robbie Lawson’s classical strokeplay…only Cherie Blair’s indiscretions about her ‘contraceptive equipment’, or lack of it, left a nasty taste in the mouth.

NICKY BIRD